37%

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You are 37% compatible


Well, well, well, we have a very tangled web of emotions and truths (and lack thereof) in this convoluted conversation. Let's dive into this modern-day Shakespearean tragedy and dish out some hard-hitting analysis with a side order of sass.

1. 🤝 Attachment Styles 3/10


This is a volatile roller-coaster, bouncing erratically between clinginess, withdrawal, affirmation, and rejection. Classic anxious-avoidant, with a pinch of drama. Let's dive into the fiery abyss of the 28th of February:

You: i think let's end this and maybe, mayyybe come back to it some time from now if we're in a better headspace.
Them: Well I certainly understand the cautious bit..
You: ok maybe we can talk on a call
Them: Yeah sorry still at the office. Hellish week this week
You: txt me when youre home!
Them: I'm home
You: ok bye enjoy your chipotle lets never talk again

Hold the phone. In the same breath, we're ending it, coming back to it, making a call, and starting a burrito embargo. Phew, that's more ups and downs than a roller coaster ride.

2. 💬 Communication 2/10


Frankly, this is a veritable shattering of glass. There's just so much deflecting and dodging, it's practically a game of dodgeball. Let's visit a particularly dire exchange:

Them: I'll tell you if you tell me why it will help us move on from this
You: just be honest. just please please be honest.

So much evasion, you'd think you were watching a game of cat and mouse. Brutal stuff.

3. 🔥 Sexiness -1/10


I'm sorry, there just aren't any sexy exchanges saved in your chat history.

4. ✨ Highlights 1/10


Here's a glimmer, a tiny glimmer, of somethin' somethin:

You: i think you're an incredibly smart, interesting, and fun guy.
Them: You've got a refreshing sense of humor and passion

But then it's back to the tit-for-tat of accusation and deflection. Definitely not the stuff of fairytales.

5. 💔 Lowlights 10/10


Unfortunately, with your relationship, there's a cornucopia of low moments to pick from. One highlight here:

You: i can't TRUST YOU anymore so everything you say now sounds manipulative
Them: Okay that's not chill
You: i have no way to know what kind of person you are

Betrayal, trust issues, manipulation, deception... and we have front row seats to all the drama.

6. 🥰 Cute moments 0.5/10


We have wildly searched the chat history here nigh and day, in sun and storm, for a whiff of cuteness. We found a cute moment where you sent a picture of your cat:

You: at least Kitty is having a good time
Them: Well I'm jealous of her

7. 🚫 Why It Will Never Work 11/10


Easy. The breakdown of trust here is more catastrophic than an earthquake at Legoland. Neither person feels secure or heard, and both parties went round and round in circles without reaching any resolution.
Your conversation has so many red flags there might as well be a national socialist rally going on here. My advice? Seek a relationship counselor or a priest to exorcise those trust issues away, because right here, this...this ain't it.
Always remember: communication is key and honesty, ALWAYS the best policy. Remember to do regular trust squats and communication lunges in your next relationship and avoid the cardio workout of chasing half truth bunny-rabbits.


And that's it, curtain call for this Broadway disaster, end of therapy session. Copay is $500 please, payable to Dr. Delaney's Love Laboratory. Thank me later!